Tuesday, September 04, 2012
31 years of amnesia...
Yes, this post is about my own amnesia which I have suffered for the past 31 years. This amnesia relates to a very crucial part of my life...about my existence itself!
I can finally say that I found myself, the reason why I am here, why I was created...finally I have overcome my amnesia to see the light of truth. This is not a theory but a real experience which I had a couple of weeks back. The truth was all of a sudden standing in front of me, crystal clear without any doubts, any questions, any second-guesses.
The truth that I discovered was that, I am God's child. Yes, not an earth shattering discovery, but a very basic truth that all of us already know...but it is something which I experienced one fine day. How many of us realize this truth, believe this truth, understand this truth? I did and after this experience, life for me has changed in more ways than one. Now I realize that it is not me doing things but that I am being gently guided by a beautiful divine power. So all my actions are now 'surrendered' and not 'planned'. Now my desires are not many, but just one - 'To be in constant connection with the divine, every living moment of my life'. Now, the purpose of my life, is not achieve one, two and three from my list and become this and that, but to just remain as God's own child forever. Now I know for sure that my prayers are not just empty one-sided conversations but they are being listened to by someone sitting up there.
I can see that life has come a full circle for me at this point in time. In brief, for the first few years of my life, I was very much connected to the divine albeit without my knowledge and was hence a happy child. It was like this for the first 12 years of my life, I think most children are connected between this age range. Then the downfall started, the pangs of teenage years started and along with it came all the ambitions, frustrations, challenges, shortcomings which really took me down. But all this happened mainly because that the memory that I was God's child was completely erased from my being. Hence I went down in a spiral for the next 10 years and once again it was a spiral (a 3 1/2 coil spiral to be precise) which stopped this downward descent. I discovered Sahaja Yoga at 22 which helped me reverse my downward descent. But for me to completely remember who I was, took me another 10 years. But in all these years I was an unwavering seeker, I never gave up because I knew that something was wrong with the way things are, something was missing, something had to be improved upon. I was aware of the shortcoming of human endeavors and how they manage to get messed up at some point or the other all from personal experiences. I was aware that if we try to control our fate, then it would backfire at us at some point in time. So, I received answers to all my questions that day and there was no doubts, no questions, nothing more to be asked in my mind. I successfully overcame my amnesia and sincerely request the divine to let me enjoy this state for the rest of my life on earth!